rain

The sound of the falling rain whispers gently of moments lost.
I sit in the stillness of a quiet car while my littlest sleeps. An afternoon of this and that, in and out. And now he has fluffed up his carseat and made his own appointment with dreamland.
I wonder at our inability to slow. To rest. To listen to the rain.
I watch the drops slide gracefully down the glass. Making their own trails through the others waiting to be moved.
Grace, warm and constant finds my tired heart.
Thank You for this moment. For the breath that softly falls from a little nose. For the day slowed as I wait patiently for his smile.
Thank you Lord, for plans interrupted. For cozy detours and moments I would speed right by. For little fingers wrapped around my own.
For finding me where I am and scooping me up into Your lap.
Thank You for healing rain poured out over my busy hands.

my beautiful mess

When I had my first baby boy I discovered a quote that I love. "A boy is a noise with some dirt on it."
Now there are three and that very quote has become the truth of my life.
Who knew noisy dirt was absolute bliss...

tantrum

I feel like I've been screaming all day. Kicking my legs, shaking my fists.
I haven't really, just trapped inside my head. I had one of those days that you find yourself somewhere between who you want to be and who you feel like you are.

My kids were difficult. Their words fell out like a metal pan crashing to the floor. They acted as though they spent the day literally on top of each other.

I had surrendered.
I found myself desperately praying through each moment. But I just couldn't find relief. I just couldn't let go.

Now the house is quiet. They are snuggled in their beds. Their cheeks rosy and their breath falling softly over their pillows.

I regret my absence. My impatience. My inability to find the joy that I so desperately desired.

Let go. Two small words. I had so much power, but I refused to use it. Refused to be Carried.

I must look like a toddler. Unable to see beyond myself. Kicking and screaming, throwing my tantrum. Unaware that I only have to open these little fists and reach up.

Grace.


Undeserved. Relentless. Immeasurable. Eternal.

Tomorrow, gratitude.