Friday, February 10, 2012

when pain is embraced it purifies

Pain raw and burning crawls up my limbs. I struggle under the weight of my worn body.

These days are mind-focused. Breathing into each movement. Pressing into Him. 

Today I found myself running. The pain of it feels like comfort to this screaming body. I could feel the wind, crisp on my face. Hear my heart pounding loud in my ears. See the small pieces of me, grins spread wide, enjoying the race.

And in that moment I felt the living. 

I am feeling the weight of it. The heavy anchor pulling me low. This pain, this exhaustion.

I've asked the questions. The needles dug deep. Drawing the life from my veins.

I wait now. Wait for the tests to come back. Wait to be defined. Or not.

And I'm struck again by its beauty. This ache in me. The gift of feeling. Of holding the moment. Choosing to breathe, to leave what is insignificant to run in the wind. For relief. For Life.

For my littles.

Pain keeps you present. Keeps you from coasting. Reminds you to Cling.

Pain is a Gift.

I want to sit hands open. Heart spilling over. Soaking in Grace.

The agony. The numbness. The crushing ache that drives me to lie on the floor.  The suffering. All of it, impelling me to Live. To Surrender all.

Pain holds you fixed in the moments. Offers you the gift of filling your lungs slowly. Noticing the Living

When pain is embraced it purifies

And you are no longer simply enduring, you are Held.

You are Embraced.

Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. 
2 Corinthians 4:16-17